Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Blue Star for blue collars

All of us have on occasion felt the discomfort of chapped, inflamed epidermis. Blue Star ointment is a topical treatment that relieves some of this discomfort. At the local Ace Hardware store today, I discovered a new and inexpensive preventative remedy.

By absorbing excess moisture and gently lubricating sensitive areas, Anti Monkey Butt Powder fosters nearly chap-free skin on skin contact. No longer will we suffer through the humiliation of the bow-legged, simian stride that results from excessive sweat and friction induced chafing.

It boggles the mind to think how different history might have been had such a product been available in yesteryear, before modern hygiene techniques were commonly employed. With a generally less irritable population, the Civil War might have been reduced to the Civil Squabble. the Burr/Hamilton duel might been merely an arm wrestle, the Gunfight at the OK Corral might been the Adjudicated Debate of Tombstone, Arizona.

As I continue to wonder why fortune smiles on some but lets the rest go free, please pause for a moment of silent thanks that we live in America in a time when ingenuity and opportunity know no bounds.

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